Building bridges through building friendship

Ann’s eyes were vibrant as she told us how Uncle Sakkie had rushed from the car, come straight to find her, put his hands on her shoulders, while struggling to find the words to express his overflowing enthusiasm. Uncle Sakkie had just returned from the Grade 7’s Mandela Day visit to Klipfontein Primary School and he was so moved by the way the Grade 7s had behaved during the outing. I was intrigued to find out what had touched Uncle Sakkie to such a degree.

This incident happened, serendipitously, during the early birthing phase of the “Inclusion Matters at PNPS”. Our children are exposed to many intentional incidences of inclusion that we parents understand only in vague terms. Through “Inclusion Matters at PNPS” we hope to give parents tasters of the inclusion meal our children are having at school. Uncle Sakkie’s story is a good place to start as it highlights multiple layers of inclusion in action.

Sakkie Louw has worked as a cleaner at PNPS for 19 years. The children call him Uncle Sakkie which speaks to the way he interacts with them as he goes about his duties. I asked Uncle Sakkie about the visit to Klipfontein Primary. He told me how he was amazed at this school’s maintenance and cleanliness in spite of it being in an impoverished area, and he was blown away by the confidence of the little grade Rs who live in challenging circumstances. But he did not seem surprised at being included in the Mandela Day visit. Many other parts of our society view cleaning staff as one dimensional and therefore to serve their job description only, but Uncle Sakkie is used to being included at PNPS. Did you know that staff events include all staff, not just teachers? And that the staff room is literally for all staff, not just the teachers. Inclusion means that Uncle Sakkie knows that he can find the principal, tell her what is on his heart, and know that he will be heard.

Returning to the Mandela Day visit, Bev Pereira, Grade 7 teacher, gives us the context:

“On the morning of Mandela Day this year, the Grade 7s of PNPS made almost 500 sandwiches in the hall, to hand over to the children of Klipfontein Primary. After a short bus trip, we were welcomed by the principal, Mr Ismail Meyer, select staff members and the grade 7s of Klipfontein. Within the first fifteen minutes of meeting, the children had found a friend, formed groups, and shared snacks as well as personal stories. Each group then had a turn to work together to serve sandwiches to the rest of the school.

It was a cold and rainy day, but nothing could put a damper on the enthusiasm for soccer! The boys’ and girls’ soccer teams, together with their supporters, went next door to the community field to play a friendly match. Others were enthralled in the chess matches which were taking place. Curious community members made their way over to the field to see what the excitement was all about.

Staff members were taken on a tour of the school and knowledge was shared about the different processes that each school follows. When it came time to leave Mr Meyer presented us with a beautifully framed drawing to commemorate Mandela Day.”

Uncle Sakkie shared with me how he was amazed by the way the friendships were formed between the PNPS and the Klipfontein children.

“That was the best experience. The Grade 7s were in the hall and talking to each other, one on one. It wasn’t even five minutes, and you could see a connection between the children. It looked like these kids had known each other a long time. And by the time we left, they were hugging, so many were crying, they were sharing phone numbers, and they were taking photos. It really touched my heart.”

What Uncle Sakkie witnessed was authentic connection across social and economic barriers. Given our country’s history of separation and the plaguing legacy of inequality, these moments are indeed worth celebrating. These moments echo Nelson Mandela’s dream “We can build a society grounded on friendship and our common humanity – a society founded on tolerance. That is the only road open to us.”

Let us pause here in order to unpack what made this possible. We know that real connection doesn’t “just happen”. The visit to Klipfontein stands in stark contrast to the typical 67-minute initiatives which are often little more than tick-box tasks that don’t make much difference to the have-nots but allow the haves to feel less guilty about all they have. This visit was designed for friendship building which is vital in collapsing the dividing lines of superiority and inferiority. Further, the grade 7s from both schools were included in distributing the sandwiches. This mutuality of working alongside each other, as opposed to the hand-out mentality of charity, is key to honouring the humanity in one another. We parents would do well to receive the challenge issued by our grade 7s in their simple act of friendship and partnership:

• Are we crossing the segregated boundaries of our city to build connection?
• Are we finding spaces where we can work alongside, as equals, with those who live in poorer communities in order to bring change; or do we hide behind the act of giving our money without engaging whole ourselves?
• Are we able to find points of connection with those who are very different to us in order to build friendships?

I would also love to understand what intentional educating by PNPS staff has been taking place, over the years, in the lives of these grade 7s that laid the foundation for them to be feel so comfortable to engage with children who are new and different to them. I hope that over the next few months “Inclusion Matters at PNPS” will explore this question more deeply.

We must not forget that intentional educating has also been taking place in Klipfontein Primary to nurture their grade 7s for connection too. Riaz Parker, Operation Manager, whilst reflecting on his visit to the school, couldn’t help but bubble over as he listed the inspiring way things are done there, and we should consider doing an article on all the things we can learn from them. 

With PNPS being as innovative and proactive as Klipfontein Primary, this school partnership is well matched and mutually beneficial. Riaz has already started working on an ecobrick building project and there is, of course, the ongoing potential for transformative friendship opportunities where everyone comes away with their sense of humanity enriched.

As our country is limping with deep wounds from our past, inclusion is not just a good thing for our children, but it is a vital part of our nation’s healing. Inclusion is not only about embracing all who are in our school, but being aware of those who are not, and actively finding ways to reach them with the type of authentic friendship that leaves Uncle Sakkie at a loss for words. 

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Written by Jacqui Tooke, parent with 2 children at PNPS, and an older child who used to attend.